Prince Charming doesn’t exist and I am no longer chasing that illusion of the perfect mate that will make everything rainbows & unicorns forever.  However, I find myself faced with another need for a prince, Prince Confirming.  

I have received many gifts in recovery one of which is a new found happiness and the acceptance of self.  The start of a brand new way to live without the use of drugs.  I set out on returning to school, finding a new home, getting a job, and reconnecting with true-friends and family.  Truly, I am generally happy everyday.  My problems (challenges) are luxury problems.   Suddenly, the momentum slowed on certain fronts.  

Why, knowing that I am in a great place, would I slow the efforts on achieving goals that will keep in that great place?  Prince Confirming, that’s why!  There is this new need/want to have someone in my life to share this happiness with.  This happiness doesn’t not stem from having materialistic things or having some high social standing (I don’t have a large wallet and what others think of me is really none of my business).  It comes from having some peace; knowing that whatever happens I will be taken care of; knowing that I am loved and I have greater love for myself today.  It’s not a glitter parade everyday but I can get through anything especially if I don’t pickup a drug. 

Am I really at peace? Why the stand still?

Little by slowly, great things are happening in my life (staying clean is a daily miracle!!) and I want a witness.  Hmmm, first I said, “…someone in my life to share this happiness with,” and now it’s something else.  I am not on a desperate search for Prince Confirming, but recently I find myself dreaming of the guy that will be there to bear witness to my achievements, big or small.  So, I have seemingly put stuff on the back burner waiting for Prince Confirming to come around so he can begin to observe it all coming together. This is totally self-centered thinking (look at me, praise me, YOU [not me] will show the world that I am not a fraud).  This is me wanting instant validation and gratification from something outside myself (addict behavior).  I wonder what color the horse Prince Confirming rides in on will be… anyway! What if he never shows up?!?

Maybe because of recent events on the dating scene I suddenly have flipped into this mindset however, being aware of this now I can dig deeper what was my part in all of it.  I can step away from blaming the situation or the person but rather begin to look got the exact nature of this manifestation of Prince Confirming.  

They say, “We can only keep what we have by giving it away.”  Recovery has taught me, by sharing how I have done it and what I continue to do to be happy, that my experience will benefits others.  

Right now, I do know if I continue waiting for a witness, then I will never get to accomplishing anything but waiting.  The only person that I need to witness, allow, accept, and validate my successes and happiness is the man in the mirror.