Word of the Day - Pattern

I catch myself all the time falling into behavioral patterns that I used do in my active addiction.  Fantasizing, comparing myself with others, isolating, putting up a front, procrastination and laziness.  Keeping myself in-check take daily practice.

My fantasizing takes my away from reality the same drugs did.  In turn, after enough magical thinking, I begin to compare myself to what I do not have and also to others (one minute used to compare can lead to a lifelong of despair).  Embarrassed by what I perceive my life to be, I begin to isolate and when I am in social settings I wear a mask of “I’m fine”.  Even when surrounded by others I can turn inward and close up.  More wishful thinking happens and yet I do nothing about making any changes in my life so that may have what I am looking for (procrastination is by biggest enemy; going nowhere fast).

In recovery I do what I can to recognize such patterns in my behavior and quickly change me course.  Sometimes, I am in denial that I am falling back into old behaviors and it takes someone else to point these things out to me.

Recovery helps be to remain open to constructive criticism and willingness to look into why I do the things that I do that can be detrimental to certain aspects of my life.  I am learning to take contrary actions to benefit my life and not harm myself or others in the process - one day at a time.