February 18th - In Thought
How I perceive reality is a bit off. Especially in my relationships with others.
Being filled with mistrust, fear, and doubt I have the tendency to see situations as threatening. Even if I were right, whatever I’m perceive something be becomes the huge elaborate tale of madness in my head. My head is a dangerous to be.
One thing that being in recovery is teaching is to be honest with others about what I am feeling or sensing. How I perceive a situation may not be what is actually happening. Also, my perception of what a person is doing (to me, or to others) may not match that party’s(ies’) intent. If I am not willing to be vulnerable, and let my feelings be known, then I’m off to the races again; stuck in my head, wheels spinning, turning something quite innocent, or simple, into a power greater than myself.
Not only am I learning to open and honest, I am more willing to listen to what others have to say about what I have expressed. Before recovery, I told you what I felt and I thought because I was feeling it, then it had to be right. Reality was whatever my mind concocted.
Recovery has taught me that feelings aren’t facts but it is fact that I do feel. It takes practice to not allow my feelings to fashion conclusions for me. Recovery is helping me to remain open to what is real - one day at a time
