February 9th - In Thought
Don’t think that because I grew up poor and deprived of the finer things (all relative) in life that is why I became a drug addict. I had addictive behaviors before illicit substances ever came into play.
I was addicted to fantasy; i daydreamed a lot and dreamt of living a life like the Brady Bunch. A life where all my troubles were explained, fixed, gone in just 30 minutes. I even got commercial breaks in between. That’s what drugs were for me; the commercial breaks.
My life isn’t a 30 minute family sitcom. To me, my life was never ending drama/horror B-movie that I could not get up from to use the restroom or get more popcorn. I found my escape in drugs; when I couldn’t handle life on life’s terms I took a commercial break by getting high. The problem is that I could not return to my regular scheduled program (My Life).
Time and time again I turned to drugs. I deprived myself of success, loves, education, life lessons and experiences because of self-centered fear and doubt.
Recovery has given me a life again. A life beyond my wildest dreams. My wildest dreams were all nightmares so to no longer live in that horror is truly nothing short of a miracle. Is life perfect? Hell No! But it surely feels good actually want to live it again.
Staying in recovery continues to give me hope for greater times and I have faith that I can get through the rough times - one day at a time.