Word of the Day - Conscious

I truly thought that the whole world revolved around me and yet I couldn’t tell you what was going on in the world if you asked me.  

I know what I want, and I want it now - screw everybody else.  There are other people on this planet - did I care? No! Even though I thought everyone was talking about me or looking at me.  

OK… so I was self-conscious (still am really) and I wasn’t conscious of reality.  My world had gotten so small in my active addiction and being self-centered I acted as if I was the center of it all.  I connected dots that did not exist.  Everything that I saw or heard I would think it had something to do with me.  That paranoia and delusional thinking (meth-head).  I would be up for days while life went on without me.  Wide awake but not awakened.

Center of it all?  Child please! It’s not all about you!

How could the world revolve around me meanwhile I didn’t even notice the AIDS Walk come through my neighborhood? I’m not sure that I felt or noticed the seasons change either.  

WAKE UP!!

Being in recovery, I get the chance to luxuriate in the senses.  There is a whole world out there to be a part of - one day at a time.