So have a crush on someone.  OK, it has become more than a crush. 

The thought him keeps me up at night.  No, I am not masturbating all night thinking about this person.  I become immersed this romance novel that I am writing in my own head.  Each night the story is a little different.  I am so caught up in the fantasy itself that there is no room for me to even think of masturbating.  Actually, doing that would bring the saga to a quick end and my addictive nature doesn’t want the story to end.

I prayed, this morning, to have the obsession removed from me and I will pray again tonight.  A person might think, while reading this, that it’s just a crush; it will pass but, this is not the case for me, an addict.

Without realizing it, a person can suddenly become a drug for me.  I used to use when I felt lonely.  Many of the same effects of drug use present themselves when I think of him - The sleepless nights, not wanting it to end, believing he is answer to everything, et al. 

Do I want to hate him? No, I simply don’t want this to become a full on obsession where my life become unmanageable because everything becomes about him.  Besides, the physical love-at-first-sight attraction I have towards him he is actually a very nice, funny, intelligent man.  I don’t want to lose him as a friend.  I have to come to realization that novel that I write in my head on those long night, he can never live up to character, the image, that I created and put his face to.  It’s not fair to him and certainly isn’t fair me.

phew, I just needed to write for a bit.  Seeing the words helps a lot.