I mentioned in a post a few days ago that I went to a nightclub.. Hiro is the name… I had a really great time… With no desire to drink or do drugs… that’s a good thing… I had a great time but at various moments I found myself feeling lonely and longing to be with someone…

Hot guys paired off together to the left of me and more of the same to right of me… Men of various ages and shapes (mostly in their 20s with hot bodies) dancing all around me.  I wasn’t longing to be young again… I just wanted to, I suppose, dance with somebody… How apropos being that the announcement of Whitney Houston’s death had been mad hours before.

Anyway, the feeling of loneliness is something I used drugs over in order to numb myself… and there were times I used drug to entice someone to have sex with me in order for me to feel better about myself… destructive temporary solutions… when the drugs were gone, so were the men, and I was alone again.  Alone, not knowing how to deal with the loneliness.  

I haven’t been able to shake this feeling… and yet I don’t feel the need to numb myself out with any substance.  I am human… this feeling will pass.