So, this evening I went to Crudo for a holidays gathering with coworkers.  I had a good time… the food was great.  Since I do not drink, I had a separate cheque, and I left a early… and upon leaving, I realized something – I used in this very hotel the restaurant is in. about 3 and a half years ago I believe.  

I was able to get through the evening being amongst my coworkers getting tipsy  that was fine.  However, I was thrown back when I was leaving and realized I had been in the hotel before.  I obsessed about up until i reached the subway station a few blocks away. The anxiety subsided and I came home.  

My anxiety was over the euphoric recall; how quickly the addict mind forgets the horrors of active addiction and focuses on the small moments of drug induced pleasure.  Pleasure that I thought I could not have without the drug.  

I am so glad that my happiness no longer comes in the form of a bottle, a needle, or a powder.  No longer do I need to escape from life… I get to live today.