It can be difficult to detach ourselves from a situation without being judgemental towards the situation or the person(s) involved.
I was so attached to either crystal meth or to a person, or to money, or prestige, that letting go of anything was like breaking-up. I know what I want and I want it now! Even if it is my opinion on something.
Well, you know, sometimes things are just none of my business. But how do I detach myself? For instance, gossip. I may learn of a situation from a friend. I may choose to not have an opinion on what I have been told but have I really detached myself? I may have passed judgement while listening to what was being told to me; the fact that I am left without commenting does not mean I have not passed judgement. Also, I may very well be passing judgement on the person who is telling me the story.
What if I am the observer? Can I make a detached observation of a situation or person? If the person is a friend or a relative, then there is already an emotional connection (hatred or love). Judgements can be negative or positive. One could say even positive judgements are indeed negative. It is the act (judging) itself that is bad. Depending on whether I hate or love the person or the circumstance my perception changes. That emotional connection may cause me to pass judgement based on my feelings, not on what is reality. I may also try to impose my point of view onto the person and try to control the situation based on my judgements. I am an addict and I do love to be in control.
In order to get outside of myself, and to not deal with my own problems, I will find myself becoming enmeshed in the problems of others. To detach is not giving a cold shoulder; it does not imply that I do not care; it is not becoming so emotionally involved when doing so would be harmful to me. With practice, I can start to empathize more instead of becoming emotionally invested in someone else’s circumstances. Seeing things from their point of view and understanding my own feelings from that perspective keeps the emotional focus on me. I am detached from their issues and not passing judgement on them or the situation nor am I looking to have control over person(s) or the circumstances.
As an addict, I so don’t like to be wrong nor do I like to be disappointed. Detachment without judgement frees me from the need to be right and controlling and also by detaching I do not set myself up to be disappointed.
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I welcome any comments below. Thank you.