Last night I had a dream that people were trying to hold me down; trying to keep me from succeeding. Some of these people were extensions of me as I am my own worst critic. In the dream I began to feel a force inside of me… In the dream, I began singing this song.

I woke up feeling that I could do anything… that I am on the right path… The song is still stuck in my head as I write this post…

I’m Unstoppable!

Less than or Greater than WHAT!?

For some reason, today, all day, I have been feeling less than;  as I am not worthy, I am unattractive, I will forever be alone, I am not smart enough, I am fat, no one will ever find me interesting.. etc etc etc

Is it the month of February?  Does my mindset automatically switch to self-loathing as Valentine’s Day get nearer?  Possibly…

I have never had a Valentine… No secret admirer(s) sending me flowers or notes that state eloquently home much they desire to be with me. Yes, I am sucker for the romantic stuff… It gets me every time. 

Never? you might ask.  Yes, never.  It is my admittance to not ever having a relationship last long enough that I would get to spend just one Valentine’s Day with the person I was dating.  In fact, in 2003, the man I was dating at the time, someone that I was falling for, stood me up on Valentine’s Day.  Needless to say, I ended the relationship the next day. 

So, what do I do with myself to make me feel greater than what I am feeling right now?  I don’t know… and honestly, a handsome caller knocking at my door with flowers, ready to whispers sweet-nothings in my ear would not change the inequality;

My Desire for Love ≥ My Pain

My Pain > The Love I Have

The Love I Have ≤ My Self-Worth 

My Self-Worth < My Desire for Love yet it is sometimes dependent on The Love I Have

Ego - The False Center →

      The first thing to be understood is what ego is. A child is born. A child is born without any knowledge, any consciousness of his own self. And when a child is born the first thing he becomes aware of is not himself; the first thing he becomes aware of is the other. It is natural, because the eyes open outwards, the hands touch others, the ears listen to others, the tongue tastes food and the nose smells the outside. All these senses open outwards.

           That is what birth means. Birth means coming into this world, the world of the outside. So when a child is born, he is born into this world. He opens his eyes, sees others. ‘Other’ means the thou. He becomes aware of the mother first. Then, by and by, he becomes aware of his own body. That too is the other, that too belongs to the world. He is hungry and he feels the body; his need is satisfied, he forgets the body.

      This is how a child grows. First he becomes aware of you, thou, other, and then by and by, in contrast to you, thou, he becomes aware of himself.

      This awareness is a reflected awareness. He is not aware of who he is. He is simply aware of the mother and what she thinks about him. If she smiles, if she appreciates the child, if she says, “You are beautiful,” if she hugs and kisses him, the child feels good about himself. Now an ego is born.

      Through appreciation, love, care, he feels he is good, he feels he is valuable, he feels he has some significance.

      A center is born.

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