For some reason, today, all day, I have been feeling less than; as I am not worthy, I am unattractive, I will forever be alone, I am not smart enough, I am fat, no one will ever find me interesting.. etc etc etc

Is it the month of February? Does my mindset automatically switch to self-loathing as Valentine’s Day get nearer? Possibly…

I have never had a Valentine… No secret admirer(s) sending me flowers or notes that state eloquently home much they desire to be with me. Yes, I am sucker for the romantic stuff… It gets me every time.

Never? you might ask. Yes, never. It is my admittance to not ever having a relationship last long enough that I would get to spend just one Valentine’s Day with the person I was dating. In fact, in 2003, the man I was dating at the time, someone that I was falling for, stood me up on Valentine’s Day. Needless to say, I ended the relationship the next day.

So, what do I do with myself to make me feel greater than what I am feeling right now? I don’t know… and honestly, a handsome caller knocking at my door with flowers, ready to whispers sweet-nothings in my ear would not change the inequality;

My Desire for Love ≥ My Pain

My Pain > The Love I Have

The Love I Have ≤ My Self-Worth

My Self-Worth < My Desire for Love yet it is sometimes dependent on The Love I Have