So have a crush on someone. OK, it has become more than a crush.
The thought him keeps me up at night. No, I am not masturbating all night thinking about this person. I become immersed this romance novel that I am writing in my own head. Each night the story is a little different. I am so caught up in the fantasy itself that there is no room for me to even think of masturbating. Actually, doing that would bring the saga to a quick end and my addictive nature doesn’t want the story to end.
I prayed, this morning, to have the obsession removed from me and I will pray again tonight. A person might think, while reading this, that it’s just a crush; it will pass but, this is not the case for me, an addict.
Without realizing it, a person can suddenly become a drug for me. I used to use when I felt lonely. Many of the same effects of drug use present themselves when I think of him - The sleepless nights, not wanting it to end, believing he is answer to everything, et al.
Do I want to hate him? No, I simply don’t want this to become a full on obsession where my life become unmanageable because everything becomes about him. Besides, the physical love-at-first-sight attraction I have towards him he is actually a very nice, funny, intelligent man. I don’t want to lose him as a friend. I have to come to realization that novel that I write in my head on those long night, he can never live up to character, the image, that I created and put his face to. It’s not fair to him and certainly isn’t fair me.
phew, I just needed to write for a bit. Seeing the words helps a lot.