drug addiction

February 29th - In Thought

Word of the Day - Dream:

A life beyond my wildest dreams.  That’s what is possible in recovery.  

For me, wildest dreams equals nightmares.  What had become life, what I made my life into, and how I saw my life as being was all a nightmare.  Thinking that I had arrived, that I somehow was fulfilling my dreams on a dance floor, doing another bump, and not sleeping until Sunday evening was truly insane thinking.  I was accomplishing nothing more than escaping my reality for brief periods of time.  

The lights always came on… and life outside would always be there.  

So discontent with my present I blamed everything on others; My parents, the educational system, my family, God, being black in America, a boss or an organization et al were all to blame for my present hardship.  Hmmmm, maybe it’s the drugs, I said never.  

I would beat myself up about not pursuing a dream of mine to be a singer (at one time in my life, I did have a great singing voice).  Naturally, I blamed my parents and the educational system for my lack of motivation to chase this dream.  That didn’t work out very well.  Putting down the ‘party’ didn’t really cross my mind.  

Not having a degree; well, that’s because I’m black in America.  Wrong!  Maybe it was being at the club/bar on a school night was more important.  Yup, that could have been it. 

If I were not fired from that job, then I would be running that company by now.  Oh really, with what degree. and how many Mondays did I miss work? I dreamed big, I made Associate.  Oh wait, that what they call all their employees.  

So, what happens now?

I stopped using drugs and started working on the issues that I became am Escape-aholic to cope with.  I am still working on those issues.  I try to not blame others for my challenges in life.  I know now and accept my limitations and seek out help when needed.  I concentrate on my strengths and try not sabotage things that are going well and in their own time (that’s the toughest one). In doing that, new dreams have awakened.  Dreams of happiness, of having and keeping wonderful people in my life and me being a part of their lives, of being a better person today than I was yesterday, achieving my goals not for status but because it can be done and it feels right. 

As long as I do not pickup that first drugs, I will far removed from the nightmare and the possibilities are endless.  In recovery I get to live in the present, dream big, and do something about it - one day at a time.

January 27th - In Thought

Word of the Day - Comport

My perception of you, him, her, it, them, that, or those does not always comport with reality or the facts.  

Everyday I have to tell myself that I everything will be OK if I continue to take the next right action.  My default in the morning used to be; The world sucks, you hate me, God is against me; every white person is scared of my being in the elevator with me; you all believe that I am stupid.  

How grandiose is all that?

As if every white person had the time to be afraid of me.  I’m sure God has  better things to do than use my life in some celestial game of marbles and I’m the big that is so easily struck.  How can anyone even have an opinion on my intelliigence if I am stuck in my room shooting up.  That’s stupid, yes.   Drugs messed with my brain to the point where I had a day or two where I could not stop rhyming my words with persons words I was speaking with.  Later on, I could hardly for a sentence without losing my train of thought.  Drugs kept me stuck on stupid.

In recovery, I still catch myself in my own head creating wild stories about what I think is happening around.  It’s good that I can stop myself or I can bounce my thoughts off of someone else and remain open to their insight.  

Me in my own head is a dangerous place.  

Staying clean, I get a chance to figure out what is real and go from there - one day at a time. 

January 2nd - Word of the Day - Platonic

Pla·ton·ic

[pluh-ton-ik, pley-]

adjective
1. of, pertaining to, or characteristic of Plato  or his doctrines: the Platonic philosophy of ideal forms.

2. pertaining to, involving, or characterized by Platonic love  as a striving toward love of spiritual or ideal beauty.

3. ( usually lowercase ) purely spiritual; free from sensual desire, especially in a relationship between two persons of the opposite sex.

4. ( usually lowercase ) feeling or professing platonic love: He insisted that he was completely platonic in his admiration.

January 2nd - In Thought

Word of the Day - Platonic

For many of us our drug use was coupled with our sexual practices.  We sought further to fill a void that even the drugs alone could not fill.  Sex or the seeking of validation was as much a drug as those we ingested, snorted, or put into our bodies by whatever means necessary.  We can also become obsessed with a person.  Believing that everything in our lives would be great if the person would only love us romantically. Placing the individual up on a pedestal, their lives and their opinions become more important than our own. Here the person then becomes our drug.

Prince Charming will not save us… we have to take the first step to save ourselves. 

How do we build healthy platonic relationships? Starts with self.  Coming into recovery is the most loving gift we can give ourselves.  Staying clean gives us the opportunity work on the deeper issues that caused us to seek something outside ourselves for relief.  

We learn to use tools that help us cope with feelings of loneliness, rejection, less than, and loss.  We share about these feelings openly and honestly. We meet other addicts in recovery and begin to identify with their struggles and we begin to see we are not alone.  Our first platonic relationships in recovery maybe with members of an outpatient rehab group, or, for some, it is with a sponsor from a self-help fellowship.  As we become more honest with ourselves and those who support us in our recovery we begin building stronger intimate connections that are spiritual, not sexual or obsessive, in nature.  These connections may be confusing at first; we are used to jumping right into bed with someone and we called the ‘intimacy’.  It may take time, however we do begin to accept that others do care and love us without expecting something in return. 

Allow yourself to be loved until you can love yourself - one day at a time.

Alcoholism Council Of New York | 1-800-56-SOBER →

I am getting my training to become a CASAC (Credentialed Alcohol & Substance Abuse Counselor) at ACNY.  Well, I learned this week that the organization may have to shut its doors in 2013 after 50 years in providing educational, prevention, outreach, family, youth, and community services to New Yorkers. ***Bill Wilson once served on the Board of this organization.****  It is scary to think that it might close down.  

I am asking that anyone in recovery, or anyone who is willing to support their cause, to make a donation to help keep their doors open.

If you are unable to make a donation… Please Tweet this post, Reblog it, +1 on Google, PinIt, and/or Share it on Facebook.

Thank you!

To learn more about ACNY CLICK HERE

September is Recovery Month!! →

Recovery Month promotes the societal benefits of prevention, treatment, and recovery for mental and substance use disorders, celebrates people in recovery, lauds the contributions of treatment and service providers, and promotes the message that recovery in all its forms is possible. Recovery Month spreads the positive message that behavioral health is essential to overall health, that prevention works, treatment is effective and people can and do recover.

Word of the Day - More

more
[mawr, mohr]

adjective
1. in greater quantity, amount, measure, degree, or number: I need more money.

2. additional or further: Do you need more time? More discussion seems pointless.

noun
3. an additional quantity, amount, or number: I would give you more if I had it. He likes her all the more. When I could take no more of such nonsense, I left.

4. a greater quantity, amount, or degree: More is expected of him. The price is more than I thought.

5. something of greater importance: His report is more than a survey.

6. ( used with a plural verb ) a greater number of a class specified, or the greater number of persons: More will attend this year than ever before.

adverb
7. in or to a greater extent or degree (in this sense often used before adjectives and adverbs, and regularly before those of more  than two syllables, to form comparative phrases having the same force and effect as the comparative degree formed by the termination -er ): more interesting; more slowly.

8. in addition; further; longer; again: Let’s talk more another time. We couldn’t stand it any more.

9. moreover.

Idioms
10. more and more, to an increasing extent or degree; gradually more: They became involved more and more in stock speculation.

11. more or less,
     a. to some extent; somewhat: She seemed more or less familiar with the subject.
     b. about; in substance; approximately: We came to more or less the same conclusion.

Word of the Day - Slight

slight
[slahyt]

adjective
1. small in amount, degree, etc.: a slight increase; a slight odor.

2. of little importance, influence, etc.; trivial: a slight cut.

3. slender or slim; not heavily built.

4. frail; flimsy; delicate: a slight fabric.

5. of little substance or strength.

verb (used with object)
6. to treat as of little importance.

7. to treat (someone) with indifference; ignore, especially pointedly or contemptuously; snub: to be slighted by society.

8. to do negligently; scamp: to slight one’s studies.

noun
9. an act or instance of slighting  indifference or treatment: Slights marred his work.

10. a pointed and contemptuous discourtesy; affront: She considered not being invited an unforgivable slight.

Word of the Day - Example

ex·am·ple
[ig-zam-puhl, -zahm-]

noun
1.one of a number of things, or a part of something, taken to show the character of the whole: This painting is an example of his early work.

2.a pattern or model, as of something to be imitated or avoided: to set a good example.

3.an instance serving for illustration; specimen: The case histories gave carefully detailed examples of this disease.

4.an instance illustrating a rule or method, as a mathematical problem proposed for solution.

5.an instance, especially of punishment, serving as a warning to others: Public executions were meant to be examples to the populace.

6.a precedent; parallel case: an action without example.

verb (used with object)
7.Rare . to give or be an example of; exemplify  (used in the passive).

Word of the Day - Embrace

em·brace
[em-breys]

verb (used with object)
1. to take or clasp in the arms; press to the bosom; hug.

2. to take or receive gladly or eagerly; accept willingly: to embrace an idea.

3. to avail oneself of: to embrace an opportunity.

4. to adopt (a profession, a religion, etc.): to embrace Buddhism.

5. to take in with the eye or the mind.

6. to encircle; surround; enclose.

7. to include or contain: An encyclopedia embraces a great number of subjects.

verb (used without object)
8. to join in an embrace.

noun
9. an act or instance of embracing.