Have people in your life that, when you make plans with them, they use ink on their calendars and not a pencil.
Hey, I’m an addict, I have stickin’ thinkin’. Whenever someone pencils me in I immediately think that if something better comes along they will just do that instead. It has happened to me before, and I was given to excuses like, “I forgot,” “I thought I told you,” and whatever else. Some of the excuses may be honest and true. I get it; life happens.
When I make plans, that’s the plan I make. If something terribly exciting comes along I still stick to my plans with whomever and decline any other offers. That’s just me. If there is an opportunity to extend an invitation to the person, I have a previous engagement with; bring them all, buy them a ticket, et al.. I will make the suggestion to them, and if they decline (that’s OK), I will stick with our original plan.
Like I said, life happens. There are circumstances, at times, out of one’s control, and plans do change. Maybe for the better. Time is precious, I would think that one deserves to know where they stand & what’s going on ASAP. I try and do that and deserve that in return.
Now it may seem that I am inflexible and premeditated; lacking spontaneity. That is not true. There are feelings that are kicked up for me when I am ‘penciled in’. Feelings of less-than, undeserving, fear of abandonment, not being good enough, fear of rejection et al… and that just from being told I was penciled in, or last minute cancellations, or I having to find out myself (I mean, come on! Are we not adults?); I should not have to initiate the conversation for your lack of balls. Totally projecting! I know. Now imagine if the plans actually do change and I am left out. Those feelings suddenly become my reality even though the other party’s intent was not to harm me; my feelings are real to me. Knowing these feelings, I try not to have others feel them too, so I try to respect their time, every time. I am punctual and honest about my availability. Anything else I ‘could’ have do? Oh well, maybe it’s not that deep. I can do things on my own. At least I know what’s on my schedule
I use pen on my calendar (period!)
friendships
Enough Tissues for Issues
Things (issues) start and end with me.
I have sought outside help for many of the issues for many years. There were many years that I self-medicated and did not seek out any other solutions and, there were years where I sought outside help while still self-medicating. I have worked with a mentor(s) which helped even more. Obviously, there is more work that needs to be done and more outside help that I want to seek out.
If I am presently going through something (one of my issues), whatever that issue it has nothing to do with anyone else. There are things that get kicked up and they fade away. There are other things that get kicked up and they may linger but they also fade away. Not in your time…. in my time. Again, they have nothing to do with anyone; They have everything to do with me. Example; many moons ago, I was dating someone, and we were taking a walk…. at some point he grabbed my wrist to pull me close to him so that he could kiss me. I freaked out and pulled away. After asking me a couple of times what was wrong I told about being raped. He was the first person I ever told. We didn’t date for long but every time he would hold my hand I would find myself letting go within a few seconds. It had nothing to do with him. I can hold someone’s hands nowadays; This issue I had worked on and now and then it manifests in other ways like being hyper-sensitive.
No one has to walk on eggshells around me. Trust me, I will let others know when to back off, when it’s not a good time, etc etc.
So… I’m trying to stay clean, one day at a time. Relapse has happened in my life and I see that there is so much more work to done around my issues. Yeah, it’s gonna hurt; I’m gonna cry…but I’ve got to do this.
