So, this evening I went to Crudo for a holidays gathering with coworkers. I had a good time… the food was great. Since I do not drink, I had a separate cheque, and I left a early… and upon leaving, I realized something – I used in this very hotel the restaurant is in. about 3 and a half years ago I believe.
I was able to get through the evening being amongst my coworkers getting tipsy that was fine. However, I was thrown back when I was leaving and realized I had been in the hotel before. I obsessed about up until i reached the subway station a few blocks away. The anxiety subsided and I came home.
My anxiety was over the euphoric recall; how quickly the addict mind forgets the horrors of active addiction and focuses on the small moments of drug induced pleasure. Pleasure that I thought I could not have without the drug.
I am so glad that my happiness no longer comes in the form of a bottle, a needle, or a powder. No longer do I need to escape from life… I get to live today.