I give up! I don’t give a shit! Give me another chance!
I said the above many times in my life. Lots of times I would give up before attempting start something. Afterwards, I would lie to myself about giving a shit about it, or I would just tell myself that no one else cares anyway. Always hoping for another chance if that something was going to be taken away.
In the end, I didn’t care anymore; I gave up on living a fulfilling life. All that mattered was getting the next hit. They are some ‘yets’ in my story, but I was getting closer and closer doing things for that next hit that I thought would do. Giving away property, my body… giving my dignity and integrity to the devil as long as I could get high. So glad that I do not have to live that way anymore.
Recovery has given me an amazing gift; Hope. It took some time to build up in me, but I feel strongly that all will be well as long as do not pick up that first one. Sure, I have my bad days but I can get through them knowing that the next day things might be better.
The hope that I have I try to share it with others. Maybe what I share with them will help them see the light at the end of the tunnel. There is happiness in giving someone something that was freely given to me. In my active addiction, life was more about taking than giving. I was never satisfied; the more I took the more I wanted.
One of the best things, I think, to give, is time. I do get a lot out spending time with others when I give myself the time to do so. Staying clean, I get to practice giving without expecting anything in return - one day at a time
