Word of the Day - Melodramatic
Accentuate the positive or the negative for that matter. I was damn good at both if it meant me getting what I wanted when I was active. Actually, I probably am still pretty melodramatic at times.
My problem was not that I am addict, it was that everyone else had a problem with me; everyone else had it in for me. My family, God, close friends, not so close friends, and people I had not even met yet. Every difficulty that I face was someone else’s fault and when I let it be known, boy did I ever over-exaggerate the harms that they tried to put upon me. Most of these harms never really happened; it was all in my head.
My drug induced paranoia and fear of reality and delusional thinking created sensational stories about my world in own head. Even truth became bigger than what it was. All to make you, him, her, them, whomever like me, have pity on me, give me something for my troubles, or reward me for triumphs. I was not winning any prizes for my stories, trust me on that.
So, yes I can still be a drama queen at times. I’m still working on that defect; I’m a work in progress. Working on my recovery, I slowly can accept things for what they are which a lot better than being stuck in my own head stewing on what I think is happening around me. It’s OK now for me to ask someone else their opinion on a situation and let them know what I am thinking or feeling. Not everything is as serious as my mind makes it out to be.
Recovery is helping understand, that I am loved and cared for and by doing esteemable acts I can build self-esteem without seeking validation from others. Also, that my challenges in life can be met with honesty and willingness.
Staying clean I get to work on arresting behaviors that are meant to have others view me in a certain light that is not based in reality - one day at a time.