January 29th - In Thought
Recovery has given me more options in life. Better yet, recovery has opened my eyes to new and healthy possibilities.
It didn’t happen overnight. And even today, I still wake up in the morning having to remind myself that using is not an option. The new life I am trying to live will be ruined if I pick up that first one. In my using days, I felt that I no choice but use. As if completely against my will I would contact a dealer and be on my way to purchase drugs. All the while telling myself that I could turn back and go home, that this would be the last time, that I can’t do this anymore. Still ending up ringing the doorbell and handing over my money whomever was the connection that night, or day. I don’t have to live that way anymore.
A lot of times my feeling became a power greater than me and the only way I knew how to conquer my feeling were to use drugs. Not know that my disease was winning the battle every time I shot up.
Today, I can see my options in life a lot clearer. If I continue on this path, I will be OK. That was hard to believe in my first year and I still have bouts of fear and doubt. However, if I react in an adult manner, in a healthy manner, and continue to take the next right action, then things to seem to fall in place. Maybe not the way I wanted, but the way universe needs it to be.
In recovery, I get to weight my options, look at the big picture, and see the quick easy way out is not always the best thing for me. There many avenues to take in life and recovery helps to keep in my on the right path - one day at a time.