Dressing up the outside - literally. I mentioned in another post on sex that i suffer from eczema. It’s incurable just like the disease of addiction. I still have uneven skin tone due to the many flair ups I have in my adolescence. I bring up the eczema because I am very familiar with covering up things on the outside.

I wore long sleeves and pants to cover my rashes, oozing flesh, scabs, and scars year round. I would be made fun of during the summer months on the playground because I was not in shorts like everyone else. Truth is, if they saw what was underneath, I would probably be feared and/or made fun of even more.

My disease progressed to where I was using drugs intravenously and it started to show. With every prick of the needle and tiny dark spot would be in its place a few days later. I found myself again, fearing that people would know that I used drugs in that way that I long sleeves were what i wore again year-round. I wanted to appear fine to everyone. Little did I know that my behaviors did not match my outward appearance.

Staying clean I get the chance to change from the inside out. Prior to recovery, I thought I was fooling everyone else - I was just fooling myself.

In recovery, I am learning how to be my true self and not worry about keeping up appearances - one day at a time.