In recovery I have encountered some difficult situations. At least for me they were difficult (I can make mountains out of molehills).
At the start of my recovery I was living in an SRO (Single Room Occupancy) provided by the city for people, like me, living with HIV and had no permanent place to live. Coming out of rehab and returning back to same place where I was using on a daily basis was hard. I felt safe in the rehab center even though at first I did not want to be there. My room was too much of a daily reminder or my hardship and drug use and I still was unable admit to myself that I had a problem; I relapse after a few weeks.
It’s true, you do start up again right where you left off and it felt worse. I was done after those five days. Thank God. Not everyone makes it back.
The disease of addiction is a tricky bastard. I found a new home that the city helps to pay for however; I felt it would be alright for me to move into the very neighborhood that my former dealer lived in. Cunning, baffling, and insidious they call this disease. For months I lived in fear of running into people that I used to use with or the person I purchased from. As I stayed in recovery that fear lifted. I also learned in a casual conversation with someone in recovery that the dealer had died (most likely from this disease). Day after day, the desire to use became less and less and I simply didn’t think about what would happen if ran into someone I used with. Then it happened!
I ran into someone that I used to date (actually, what we did together was not date). That encounter reminded me of where I did not want to be. I am not sure how I would have handled the situation had I ran into him months earlier. We spoke very briefly and went our separate ways. Drugs an using did not come up, but I could tell that he was still active just by what he said and how said it, and I felt sorry for him. I let others who support me in my recovery know of my chance encounter with my past. It was important for me to say something about it as secrets will lead me back to kind of life.
The disease is very tricky; I need to constantly evaluate my motives when I am around the people, places and things that remind me of, or are tied to, when I was an active addict - one day at a time.