rehab

January 15th - In Thought

Word of the Day - Encounter

In recovery I have encountered some difficult situations.  At least for me they were difficult (I can make mountains out of molehills).  

At the start of my recovery I was living in an SRO (Single Room Occupancy) provided by the city for people, like me, living with HIV and had no permanent place to live. Coming out of rehab and returning back to same place where I was using on a daily basis was hard.  I felt safe in the rehab center even though at first I did not want to be there.  My room was too much of a daily reminder or my hardship and drug use and I still was unable admit to myself that I had a problem; I relapse after a few weeks.  

It’s true, you do start up again right where you left off and it felt worse.   I was done after those five days.  Thank God.  Not everyone makes it back.

The disease of addiction is a tricky bastard.  I found a new home that the city helps to pay for however; I felt it would be alright for me to move into the very neighborhood that my former dealer lived in.  Cunning, baffling, and insidious they call this disease.  For months I lived in fear of running into people that I used to use with or the person I purchased from.  As I stayed in recovery that fear lifted.  I also learned in a casual conversation with someone in recovery that the dealer had died (most likely from this disease).  Day after day, the desire to use became less and less and I simply didn’t think about what would happen if ran into someone I used with.  Then it happened!  

I ran into someone that I used to date (actually, what we did together was not date).  That encounter reminded me of where I did not want to be.  I am not sure how I would have handled the situation had I ran into him months earlier.  We spoke very briefly and went our separate ways.  Drugs an using did not come up, but I could tell that he was still active just by what he said and how said it, and I felt sorry for him.  I let others who support me in my recovery know of my chance encounter with my past.  It was important for me to say something about it as secrets will lead me back to kind of life.

The disease is very tricky; I need to constantly evaluate my motives when I am around the people, places and things that remind me of, or are tied to, when I was an active addict - one day at a time.

January 2nd - In Thought

Word of the Day - Platonic

For many of us our drug use was coupled with our sexual practices.  We sought further to fill a void that even the drugs alone could not fill.  Sex or the seeking of validation was as much a drug as those we ingested, snorted, or put into our bodies by whatever means necessary.  We can also become obsessed with a person.  Believing that everything in our lives would be great if the person would only love us romantically. Placing the individual up on a pedestal, their lives and their opinions become more important than our own. Here the person then becomes our drug.

Prince Charming will not save us… we have to take the first step to save ourselves. 

How do we build healthy platonic relationships? Starts with self.  Coming into recovery is the most loving gift we can give ourselves.  Staying clean gives us the opportunity work on the deeper issues that caused us to seek something outside ourselves for relief.  

We learn to use tools that help us cope with feelings of loneliness, rejection, less than, and loss.  We share about these feelings openly and honestly. We meet other addicts in recovery and begin to identify with their struggles and we begin to see we are not alone.  Our first platonic relationships in recovery maybe with members of an outpatient rehab group, or, for some, it is with a sponsor from a self-help fellowship.  As we become more honest with ourselves and those who support us in our recovery we begin building stronger intimate connections that are spiritual, not sexual or obsessive, in nature.  These connections may be confusing at first; we are used to jumping right into bed with someone and we called the ‘intimacy’.  It may take time, however we do begin to accept that others do care and love us without expecting something in return. 

Allow yourself to be loved until you can love yourself - one day at a time.

Word of the Day - More

more
[mawr, mohr]

adjective
1. in greater quantity, amount, measure, degree, or number: I need more money.

2. additional or further: Do you need more time? More discussion seems pointless.

noun
3. an additional quantity, amount, or number: I would give you more if I had it. He likes her all the more. When I could take no more of such nonsense, I left.

4. a greater quantity, amount, or degree: More is expected of him. The price is more than I thought.

5. something of greater importance: His report is more than a survey.

6. ( used with a plural verb ) a greater number of a class specified, or the greater number of persons: More will attend this year than ever before.

adverb
7. in or to a greater extent or degree (in this sense often used before adjectives and adverbs, and regularly before those of more  than two syllables, to form comparative phrases having the same force and effect as the comparative degree formed by the termination -er ): more interesting; more slowly.

8. in addition; further; longer; again: Let’s talk more another time. We couldn’t stand it any more.

9. moreover.

Idioms
10. more and more, to an increasing extent or degree; gradually more: They became involved more and more in stock speculation.

11. more or less,
     a. to some extent; somewhat: She seemed more or less familiar with the subject.
     b. about; in substance; approximately: We came to more or less the same conclusion.

Word of the Day - Slight

slight
[slahyt]

adjective
1. small in amount, degree, etc.: a slight increase; a slight odor.

2. of little importance, influence, etc.; trivial: a slight cut.

3. slender or slim; not heavily built.

4. frail; flimsy; delicate: a slight fabric.

5. of little substance or strength.

verb (used with object)
6. to treat as of little importance.

7. to treat (someone) with indifference; ignore, especially pointedly or contemptuously; snub: to be slighted by society.

8. to do negligently; scamp: to slight one’s studies.

noun
9. an act or instance of slighting  indifference or treatment: Slights marred his work.

10. a pointed and contemptuous discourtesy; affront: She considered not being invited an unforgivable slight.

Word of the Day - Example

ex·am·ple
[ig-zam-puhl, -zahm-]

noun
1.one of a number of things, or a part of something, taken to show the character of the whole: This painting is an example of his early work.

2.a pattern or model, as of something to be imitated or avoided: to set a good example.

3.an instance serving for illustration; specimen: The case histories gave carefully detailed examples of this disease.

4.an instance illustrating a rule or method, as a mathematical problem proposed for solution.

5.an instance, especially of punishment, serving as a warning to others: Public executions were meant to be examples to the populace.

6.a precedent; parallel case: an action without example.

verb (used with object)
7.Rare . to give or be an example of; exemplify  (used in the passive).

Word of the Day - Embrace

em·brace
[em-breys]

verb (used with object)
1. to take or clasp in the arms; press to the bosom; hug.

2. to take or receive gladly or eagerly; accept willingly: to embrace an idea.

3. to avail oneself of: to embrace an opportunity.

4. to adopt (a profession, a religion, etc.): to embrace Buddhism.

5. to take in with the eye or the mind.

6. to encircle; surround; enclose.

7. to include or contain: An encyclopedia embraces a great number of subjects.

verb (used without object)
8. to join in an embrace.

noun
9. an act or instance of embracing.

Word of the Day - Divert

di·vert
[dih-vurt, dahy-]

verb (used with object)
1. to turn aside or from a path or course; deflect.

2. British . to route (traffic) on a detour.

3. to draw off to a different course, purpose, etc.

4. to distract from serious occupation; entertain or amuse.

verb (used without object)
5. to turn aside; veer: It is sad to see so much talent divert to trivial occupations.

Word of the Day - Hygiene

hy·giene
[hahy-jeen]

noun
1. Also, hygienics. the science that deals with the preservation of health.

2. a condition or practice conducive to the preservation of health, as cleanliness.

Word of the Day - No

no
[noh]

adverb
1. (a negative used to express dissent, denial, or refusal, as in response to a question or request)

2. (used to emphasize or introduce a negative statement): Not a single person came to the party, no, not a one.

3. not in any degree or manner; not at all (used with a comparative): He is no better.

4. not a (used before an adjective to convey the opposite of the adjective’s meaning): His recovery was no small miracle.

adjective
5. not a (used before a noun to convey the opposite of the noun’s meaning): She’s no beginner on the ski slopes.

noun
6. an utterance of the word “no.”

7. a denial or refusal: He responded with a definite no.

8. a negative vote or voter: The noes have it.

verb (used with object)
9. to reject, refuse approval, or express disapproval of.

verb (used without object)
10. to express disapproval.

Idiom
11. no can do, Informal . it can’t be done.

Word of the Day - Reap

reap
[reep]

verb (used with object)
1. to cut (wheat, rye, etc.) with a sickle or other implement or a machine, as in harvest.

2. to gather or take (a crop, harvest, etc.).

3. to get as a return, recompense, or result: to reap large profits.
verb (used without object)
4. to reap a crop, harvest, etc.

Word of the Day - Family

fam·i·ly
[fam-uh-lee, fam-lee]

noun
1. a. a basic social unit consisting of parents and their children, considered as a group, whether dwelling together or not: the traditional family.
    b. a social unit consisting of one or more adults together with the children they care for: a single-parent family.

2. the children of one person or one couple collectively: We want a large family.

3. the spouse and children of one person: We’re taking the family on vacation next week.

4. any group of persons closely related by blood, as parents, children, uncles, aunts, and cousins: to marry into a socially prominent family.

5. all those persons considered as descendants of a common progenitor.

6. Chiefly British . approved lineage, especially noble, titled, famous, or wealthy ancestry: young men of family.

7. a group of persons who form a household under one head, including parents, children, and servants.

8. the staff, or body of assistants, of an official: the office family.

9. a group of related things or people: the family of romantic poets; the halogen family of elements.

10. a group of people who are generally not blood relations but who share common attitudes, interests, or goals and, frequently, live together: Many hippie communes of the sixties regarded themselves as families.

11. a group of products or product models made by the same manufacturer or producer.

12. Biology . the usual major subdivision of an order or suborder in the classification of plants, animals, fungi, etc., usually consisting of several genera.

13. Slang . a unit of the Mafia or Cosa Nostra operating in one area under a local leader.

14. Linguistics . the largest category into which languages related by common origin can be classified with certainty: Indo-European, Sino-Tibetan, and Austronesian are the most widely spoken families of languages. Compare stock ( def. 12 ) , subfamily ( def. 2 ) .

15. Mathematics .
     a. a given class of solutions of the same basic equation, differing from one another only by the different values assigned to the constants in the equation.
     b. a class of functions or the like defined by an expression containing a parameter.
     c. a set.

adjective
16. of, pertaining to, or characteristic of a family: a family trait.

17. belonging to or used by a family: a family automobile; a family room.

18. suitable or appropriate for adults and children: a family amusement park.

19. not containing obscene language: a family newspaper.

Idiom
20. in a / the family way, pregnant.