Boy, did I ever think that I was nicest person you would ever meet especially when I was high. Truth be told, yes I tried to be kind however I was just people pleasing to get my way, or I was too fucked up to argue anything. Dealing with this ornery addict when he was not high was probably like pulling teeth.
I could hardly stand being around myself, so I am sure others were not content with having me around. My self-righteous, judgmental, ill-tempered way about me was not cute.
In early recovery suddenly I had emotions that I had not felt in a very long time and had to find a way to deal with them without using drugs. I just broke up with my drug of choice and any break up is hard to go through. Lashing out at those who were trying to help me became an all too frequent thing.
Happiness is another feeling that was like brand new to me. Today, because of recovery, I am generally happy and that happiness I wish to share with others. Not in a boasting ‘oh look at me’ way but rather in a I grateful to have wonderful people in my life that have supported me in my trying to stay clean and part of my happiness is due to these great folks being in my life. So, I wish be in their lives more to show my appreciation and share the happiness that they bring me with them.
Putting everything I’ve just stated into practice is the challenge. My stinkin’ thinkin’ still tells me that no one wants to be around me and that no one cares. I just need to push through that!
Recovery has given me the opportunity to grow and change into a person that I want to be around - one day at a time