I was lucky to have gone to an inpatient rehab and, then after, an outpatient rehab. There are many that don’t ever make into any form of treatment. It was in rehab that someone first wished me a ‘long slow recovery’. Huh?
I wanted what I wanted and I always wanted it NOW. There was no journey for me; it was only about the destination and everyone would have to get out of my way, or else. When I got where I was going or when I got what I wanted I still was not satisfied; I wanted more. More of this, more of that, or something else until that was tapped dry too.
Going into treatment I thought that was all I needed. A 28 day quick fix and then I could go back to what I was doing before rehab. Well, in those 28 days I did learn something about disease of addiction. It is chronic and can be fatal. That was upsetting to me. Boy did I start hating God of that. I’ve since gotten over that.
Well, like any other chronic illness, I must continually seek treatment for my disease of addiction. I did go to outpatient straight out of rehab - that helped immensely. I was able to connect with others that suffered from the same disease as me and learn from those that were staying clean and had changed their lives. One thing that I had to learn to do was to slow my roll. Followed by learning to not force my will onto others and situations. To this day these are not easy for me… Hey, I used crystal meth; everything was about instant gratification and nonstop craziness. Little by slowly, I’m getting better at pausing and just letting things be as they are rather than trying to make things happen in my time and the way I want.
So many of life’s lessons are learned when I take a moment and pause and experience the now. Staying clean I get to live the journey - one day at a time.