Word of the Day - Pugnacious

My mother used say, “You always have something to say!”  She was right.  I couldn’t leave well enough alone; I had to be right about something and I would go on and on beating a dead horse.  

Whether I imagined it, or not, I felt i did not have a voice and when I did use it was of course to have my way and not yours.  I still do this.  Am I pugnacious in character?  In some ways, yes.  Most of the time, I think, I cower away confrontation.  However, where there was no reason for conflict, I have been known to stir up the pot and turn a situation into something it was not, Drama.  Feeling threatened, envious, less-than; these will put me into that mode.  

In recovery, awareness and acceptance of this character flaw is important.  If I deny that I have this tendency then I will continue to use it, most of the time unknowingly resulting strained relationships.  So, what do I do?  Practice letting go.  I am not always right, I don’t need to be right, if I am in this mode, then try and snap out of it; Agree to disagree.  

Recovery is helping me to see that by surrendering I then join the winning side; there is freedom in letting go - one day at a time