February 17th - In Thought
Putting down crystal left me empty. I was empty while using crystal however I thought it was making me feel whole. Even when it wasn’t working anymore it was what I turned to fill the void.
It was all I had left. My friend, crystal meth. When I stopped using it was like a break up. What I had to do was start taking care of myself. I needed aftercare (outpatient rehab) once I was done with inpatient. This was one thing that occupied some of my time 3-5 days per week for my first year. I did have a lot of time on my hands and that was dangerous. Plus, it helped for me to not isolate by having someplace to go. Slowly, I made new friends and reconnected with friends and family that would support me in my recovery. That void was starting to get filled with the love and caring of those friends and family members.
Also, staying connected with others in recovery and listening to how they stay clean daily. I thought I couldn’t live without drugs but seeing others change their lives gave me hope for myself. Nothing better than to be filled with hope.
So, in the little over 2 years now that I have been clean, I’ve become employed, I returned to school, I moved out of the room where I did a lot of my drug use in and into a better place; I isolate a whole lot less. I have wonderful people in my life that bring me such joy when I with them.
Life is really full right now and I am so grateful for the rewards that recovery has given me. I don’t want to feel empty again so I must continue to do what is needed to stay in recovery - one day at a time.