Word of the Day - Self-actualization
You hear people in recovery say, “Let us love you until you can love yourself.” Wow! I surely was hating on me and hating on the world when I was using. Even before drugs became a problem I was filled with self-hate. I felt I would not ever amount to anything; that I wasn’t good enough; I did not deserve happiness and/or success. Some of these things a parent would actually say to me, but in adulthood it was I who was telling myself the degrading things.
In the beginning, the drugs gave me a sense of pride; I could do anything; I fit in (even if it was with the wrong crowd). Little did I know, that as my disease of addiction progressed, I was not only hiding from my problems, I was stunting my true potential. While high, the negative self-talk lessened to whispers but whispers are still heard when they are inside your head. However, using kept me from caring. Caring about myself or anyone else for that matter.
Today, becoming a self-actualizing person is a long slow process just like the long road to recovery. The longer I stay away from the drug, the brighter the light at the end of tunnel becomes. There are so many changes in my thinking since I started this journey; I feel that I do have a purpose in life; I see in good in people; I can take responsibility for my own behaviors; I’m taking care of myself these days; I’m a little more realistic now. Don’t get me wrong, everything in my life is not Rainbows & Unicorns. Whatever difficult times that I may go through presently will pass. I can now swallow my pride and ask for help when needed or at least share with someone honestly what I am feeling. I am not perfect at any of it but I am trying everyday and reaching closer to the light. As long I don’t pick up that first one, I’ve got a chance to reach new heights.
Staying clean opens the door to new possibilities for growth, acceptance, creativity, awareness, and love of self and others - one day at a time