When I first started out on the road to recovery I thought it was to regain the life I once had before the drugs became a problem. "Wait a minute! I’m sure it was my old life (behaviors et al) that led me to using drugs in the first place.“
However, I wanted the job back right away; I wanted to have a nice apartment again; finish my degree; all this stuff I wanted back in my life and yet I didn’t know how to stay clean. I relapse a few weeks after completing a 28 day stay in rehab. I was given the tools but still wanted things my way and I didn’t really care to use those tools. What I succeeded in doing was regaining the misery from where I left off before entering a rehab facility.
In recovery, I have learned that it’s not about the drugs. It is obsession and compulsion to use, it is my upside down thinking, it is my behaviors, and how I perceive the world; those are the problems. This is my disease. The disease of addiction.
To stay clean, I needed to change everything. My old life was filled with so much pain and suffering. There is no reason for me to go back there; I don’t live there anymore. I have life now that I could not have imagined for myself. I have tools to that I must continue to use to arrest my disease. One of the greatest gifts and tool is my connection with others just like me. Without their help, their example, and their love I would not know what to do.
Recovery is giving me a new way to live - one day at a time