When I used crystal meth, I really thought that I could take on the world; that I was smart; I was sexy; was powerful. NOT! I was far from being a viable man.
With all that I thought the drugs were doing for me I was still incapable of true growth. Before drugs came into my life (and I allowed them in), I wrestled with feelings of less-than, inadequacy, low self-esteem, doubt, fear of success and failure. Drugs, for me, when I first tried them (or should I say, “When I went back for more!”) became a viable solution to not feel any of those things.
I used drugs for a very long time to numb out. They worked, until they didn’t. Even after they stopped working, I could not stop using (I am a creature of habit and my insane behavior kept taking back to the very thing that was keeping me from growing).
Today, I have found new solutions for my negative feelings and insane thought processes. Best thing for me to do is to share honestly with someone else about what I am going through. Also, to remain open to criticism and/or advice. I learn something new everyday about living life on life’s terms. I don’t have have to use drugs over circumstances.
Recovery is helping me to arrest my stinkin’ thinkin’ and to feed my spirit - one day at a time