There is a difference between being alone and being lonely. Being lonely is a state of the heart, an emptiness that makes us feel sad and sometimes hopeless. Loneliness is not always alleviated when we enter into relationships or surround ourselves with others. Some of us are lonely even in a room full of people. (p. 156, Just for Today)
This is exactly how I have been feeling lately; hopeless and lost. I lie awake at night, my mind racing on random nonsense but mostly how lonely I feel. Sometimes I will sit i front of my computer blogging, tweeting, checking Facebook just to try and fill the void yet, there is still something missing - purpose.
In a city of over eight million, I am not alone. But even when I amongst the masses I still feel lonely; like I don’t belong, like I have no reason for even being here. What is the solution?
I long to be in a relationship but, as the above states, this does not always alleviate the loneliness. Plus, I have a little over seven months clean & sober - It is suggested that one should not get into any emotional entanglements within the first year in recovery. I am not pursuing anyone and, to my knowledge, there are no callers at my door. Nevertheless, the loneliness, this matter of the heart, still, I suffer from.
This feeling, in the past, I would have used over. What I mean by use is that I would have self-medicated with my drug of choice; crystal meth. Today, I have to sit with these feelings. And that is OK. As well it should be, because this is what it means to be human.
I really need to put more of an effort into staying connected with people that I have met in sobriety/recovery. With them, I am not alone. We share a common bond. The sense of community helps to combat the loneliness. The social media way is not enough. It is lacking in appreciation of the human condition. Where as, one can luxuriate in the senses when he/she is with a friend, in person.
Please, Higher Power, give me the strength to be there for my friends, family, and fellows for the loneliness subsides when I am present for them.