Those that pass themselves off as altruistic, yet they have ulterior motives.

FAIL

I certainly am no angel.  

Recently, I’ve put into situations where I must tolerate people just like the title of this post.  It is quite frustrating.  I had a long conversation with my mother about this and she suggested that I just not pay attention to them.  So, I am trying to just that.  However, the bullshit is piling high.  

Like I said, I am no angel.  At this time in my life however, I am working on being a better person.  In doing that, whatever I do to be of service to anyone I do because I am able to, want to, and it feels right to do so.  Seeking praise, status, or some kind of kick back just doesn’t fly with me anymore.  That’s was my attitude when I was in active addiction.  Me, me, me, always me.  

So, how does one deal with those with seemingly hidden agendas.  Tolerance, I suppose.  So what… let them talk behind your back; let them believe in their own bullshit; let them dig themselves deeper into a hole?  Or should one call them out on their bullshit; warn potential victims of their conniving, manipulative, and sometimes bullying ways; tell them you’re tired of it?  What if I’m wrong?  Then I suppose I would be acting just like them in a way but different; with good intentions however, hurting them in the process; there appears to be many roads to hell.

We see it all the time; in religious groups, politicians, the rich, and yes in the poor as well; addicts and non-addicts.  We watch as people to good deed just for the fame, money, and/or power.  We see groups spreading hate and every Sunday they sit in church believing that they are in the right and are good people.  

What to do?  When is enough, enough? Live and let live I guess.  Patience, Tolerance, and Acceptance are spiritual principles that can be very hard to practice.  I will need to set some healthy boundaries.  For now, I’ll listen to my mother.

_______________

a few hours later

I have to continue to pause and examine my own motives… Why am I lending a hand, offering assistance, giving advice, making myself available etc etc? If I am seeking praise, reward, ego stroking, or to have power over someone, then the good karma, that I would like to believe I am spreading, is negated.

This is what annoys me the most, when I witness to such behavior, or even fall victim to such. Again, I am no angel… I am working on myself so I am not so self-centered.

Ego - The False Center →

      The first thing to be understood is what ego is. A child is born. A child is born without any knowledge, any consciousness of his own self. And when a child is born the first thing he becomes aware of is not himself; the first thing he becomes aware of is the other. It is natural, because the eyes open outwards, the hands touch others, the ears listen to others, the tongue tastes food and the nose smells the outside. All these senses open outwards.

           That is what birth means. Birth means coming into this world, the world of the outside. So when a child is born, he is born into this world. He opens his eyes, sees others. ‘Other’ means the thou. He becomes aware of the mother first. Then, by and by, he becomes aware of his own body. That too is the other, that too belongs to the world. He is hungry and he feels the body; his need is satisfied, he forgets the body.

      This is how a child grows. First he becomes aware of you, thou, other, and then by and by, in contrast to you, thou, he becomes aware of himself.

      This awareness is a reflected awareness. He is not aware of who he is. He is simply aware of the mother and what she thinks about him. If she smiles, if she appreciates the child, if she says, “You are beautiful,” if she hugs and kisses him, the child feels good about himself. Now an ego is born.

      Through appreciation, love, care, he feels he is good, he feels he is valuable, he feels he has some significance.

      A center is born.

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