My perception of you, him, her, it, them, that, or those does not always comport with reality or the facts.
Everyday I have to tell myself that I everything will be OK if I continue to take the next right action. My default in the morning used to be; The world sucks, you hate me, God is against me; every white person is scared of my being in the elevator with me; you all believe that I am stupid.
How grandiose is all that?
As if every white person had the time to be afraid of me. I’m sure God has better things to do than use my life in some celestial game of marbles and I’m the big that is so easily struck. How can anyone even have an opinion on my intelliigence if I am stuck in my room shooting up. That’s stupid, yes. Drugs messed with my brain to the point where I had a day or two where I could not stop rhyming my words with persons words I was speaking with. Later on, I could hardly for a sentence without losing my train of thought. Drugs kept me stuck on stupid.
In recovery, I still catch myself in my own head creating wild stories about what I think is happening around. It’s good that I can stop myself or I can bounce my thoughts off of someone else and remain open to their insight.
Me in my own head is a dangerous place.
Staying clean, I get a chance to figure out what is real and go from there - one day at a time.