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The sum of us equals...

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On Sunday, June 29, 2014, I got to March with HIV= in the NYC Pride March.  It was amazing to say the least; I had never Marched before.  I was really nervous for some reason when I arrived at the location where our group would meet; after a few members introduced themselves and I as given a tank-top to wear I quickly became a wallflower; speaking to anyone was difficult so I hid behind my camera or my mobile phone.  Isn’t it amazing how certain technological advances are meant ‘connect’ us really just help us more with isolating?

A few more introductions and small talk with members and listening to instructions from our group leader didn’t really loosen me up at all; I wanted to run.  Then something happened…

A man, an older gentleman with white hair, dressed in white and bejeweled with various pins feature rainbow colors.  This Sage asked me directly about HIV=.  I do not work for the organization however, I gave him this answer,  "…HIV does not discrimination and neither should we…“  By the way, from moment he stepped up to me he had been using his point and shoot digital camera to record video of our conversation.  He was excited from my answer and expressed how he thought what we were doing was wonderful.  He then began to tell me that his best friend had died at the age of 32.  His friend had contracted HIV at 28 years and did not seek treatment; "He let himself go,” is how he explained.  Still pointing his camera directly at me he proceeded to tell me how his lover had also died from complications due to AIDS.  He began cry and his voice cracked and he wasn’t able to finish what he was saying.  I put my hand on his arm to comfort him.  He lowered his camera and began to step back and away.  I thanked him for sharing his story. In that moment I realized that this was not about me.  

It’s about We.  You and me, You and I, Us.  It would be some hours later that our group would be Marching down Fifth Avenue following that lavender line, and I, with my camera, looking through the lens at so many of us living.  Living with pain, sorrow, heartache, happiness, illness, love, joy, hope.  Living with HIV.  

This epidemic changed the way we love; it made some of us afraid to love. HIV itself does not tell you who you can love; it does not tell you to hate either; it will not tell you not to build a home or what neighborhood you can live in; it cannot tell you that you are less than or great than the person next to you; it does not know the color of your skin or how much money you have; it does not care about who you love. Society may try to impose some of these limitations on individual groups but HIV is all inclusive. This disease has touched so many lives; regardless of race, creed, religion, profession, gender identity, social standing, sexual preference, or HIV status we are all living with HIV.  

What do we do?  Stand together, regardless of status.  Fight the stigma; educate our youth and all those who are misinformed about HIV and on how to prevent the spread of the virus; if you don’t know your HIV status, then get tested.  Don’t be afraid to ask a question.  Protect yourself!

Together with compassion, education, perseverance, tolerance and love the sum of us equals LIFE.  A life where HIV/AIDS has been eradicated.  

PS: I stopped being so nervous… HIV= leaders are an amazing bunch of men and women trying to bring on change for the lives of those living with HIV… that means All of Us [a global scale].   Through my lens I could so many people living with something and that’s OK… I don’t have to run and they don’t have to run from me.  Thank you Sage for showing me your heart and helping me see that we are all equal.

January 4th - In Thought

Word of the Day - Stigma

The social stigma attached to being an addict may keep many of us from coming into recovery.  Today we have scientific proof that addiction is a treatable disease.  However, society still views those suffering from addictions as weak or that they have a moral deficiency.  Because of this we hide our problem from our loved ones and others we are in contact with; going into isolation as our disease progresses.  

The stigmatized are often rejected by society.  Coming into recovery we gain new coping skills to deal with the rejection that often produces feelings of shame, guilt and low self-esteem.  We begin by actively listening to how other recovering addicts, that have had similar feelings of not fitting the mold of society’s ‘norm’, live their lives on life’s terms. We learn that we can not control how those who do not understand addictions feel about us but we can control how we react to being stigmatized.  Through self-honesty; admitting to ourselves that we suffer from the disease of addiction.  Empowering ourselves by accepting this and taking action to treat our chronic illness whether through self-help fellowships and/or professional mental health service we begin the work to free ourselves from active addiction; bringing us out of isolation and closer to being productive members of society.

“I am a recovering addict and what you think of me is none of my business.”  

We have many advocates in recovery that are helping to reduce stigma and increase treatment for those with addiction.  Your best advocate in recovery to reduce stigma is your own recovery by empowering yourself with the tools to keep you from returning to active addiction and finding a new way to live and helping others to do the same.  

It will take time to and it will take work.  At first we may not see the change in ourselves but with continued work on our recovery; others will see the change in us.  We are not bad people trying to be good; we are sick people trying to well -  one day at a time.

Go Ahead... Open It!

Open Relationships… 

I personally would not want to be in one.  Maybe I’m greedy, maybe I’m old fashion (Funny, if you go back far enough, polygamy was a lot more common; being old fashion is relative), maybe I’m afraid of the notion. 

What I would like to know is a casual sexual encounter outside the relationship just that “casual sex” and when is it cheating?

So, maybe I’m greedy or selfish and I want someone all to myself.  I could also say, if my potential partner wanted an open relationship, that that is greedy too.  I have known a few mixed HIV status couples who have open relationships that each partner could still have a certain type of sex that they could not have with their lover.  I have also met monogamous couples, of mixed status, that say that have great safer-sex and don’t see any reason to go outside of the relationship.  I ask, if your lover is not giving you what you want, then why are you together?  Is one just in love with the fact they can say to someone that they have a boyfriend or girlfriend; a lover? 

Maybe a little old fashioned; I do love the idea of courtship, falling in-love, growing old together.  Yeah, I know, it’s almost 2013 and relationship dynamics have changed greatly.  The ways that we find true love has changed since World Wide Web came into the fold.  Hey, whatever works for you!  Give me the corny, romantic, make me swoon prose and verses any day.  I don’t see how, for myself, discussing having an open relationship with a partner would keep me weak in the knees but, that’s just me.

If I were in an open relationship, I believe that I would live in fear of the other man, or men.  What if my lover leaves for one of them? What if I find myself falling for someone that I have hooked-up with a few times?  What are terms of an open relationship anyway?  Having an a lovers’ quarrel at home and storming out, then finding a someone to have sex with - is that cheating? Sounds like one is having make-up sex with wrong person.  That’s just my opinion.  

Hey, I am sure open relationships work for many couples and I am all for whatever makes you a happy couple; keyword: HAPPY.   I’m just putting down some thoughts; comments are welcomed below.